television as art by Milan Atanaskovic / www.atanaskovic.com
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Kabuki Geisha

by

sylvia toy

Year of production: 2012

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This video performance portrait is based on a poem about a woman my age I frequently see on Montgomery Street in San Francisco when I am on my to work in the morning. She moves like only old dancers move. I am not a dancer, but I have lived a life of self-denial and discipline in order to be an artist. So in spite of the woman's obvious mental disturbances, I identify with her. There is a strange wonderful surprising thing that happened to me after: beating myself up every day in my 20's for not being committed to making art; beating myself up every day in my 30's for being a failure by making bad art; beating myself up every day in my 40's for not being as good as my mother and patrons and fans told me I was and every day telling my self that I should be a better sculptor, a better writer a better actor; beating myself every day up til 55 that all I really cared about was art; being thankful every day til 60 how glad I was that I had art as a primary relationship; and at 60, realizing that art seems to be in my blood stream, in every single cell of my body and happening all the time in my head no matter what else I am doing. I am so happy for the old dancer that she has muscle memory of making art.
Outdoor shots produced and directed by Michael Lewis.

Coauthors: syviatoyindustries, Michael Lewis

Keywords: sylvia toy, sylviatoyindustries, artist's life, aging, women, performance art, performance poetry, street art, performance art

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